A Changed Dictionary - For Kate
Maybe I have a problem
my world seems empty
without you here
maybe there’s something wrong
I shouldn’t feel so lost so easily
could be I’m too dependent
I used to be self reliant
and never felt this kind of as lonely
You see I had this empty place
deep down inside
it was part of me
I knew it had your face
but I kept you there under lock and key
keep all those feelings at bay
and my isolation was the best way
of dealing with being me
Maybe I spent too long in my seclusion
being myself without you
is living in this moment
the same as the past without you
perhaps that’s part of the problem
I used to know how
I was so self-contained and independent
but you are everything to me now
You see I feel your presence
I feel your hand holding mine
the warmth of your legs
as they rest on mine
I look out of my window
but I can only see your eyes
some part of me is holding
walking together side by side
some part of me is missing
you’re no longer under my lock and key
alone was a comfort I used to be
and my detachment was the way I knew
of dealing with being me
without you
Maybe love is the problem
relative or subjective
it seems to be the thing which defines them both
really I should be happy
an answer to a prayer when you returned
but now everything writes a different story
perhaps that’s part of the problem
brand new words
in a changed dictionary
but I wrote the same lines habitually
Could be I’m too dependent
I used to be free
I used to know how
I was so independent
but you are everything to me now
how do I let this go
if loving you is all I know
I need to be more of mine
but together with you
all the time
How can I take care of you
when you’re so far away from me
tell myself there nothing I can do
and I shouldn’t feel so lost so easily
I never felt this kind of as lonely
as I try to find new words
in a changed dictionary
and find another way to be with you
as part of me constantly
there’s no empty place
to put you
you’re no longer under my lock and key
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