Afraid To Let Go
The day started shutting down; the sun was going to bed
and my mind embraced the essence of the moment.
The beauty of seeing the night unfold touched me,
my soul releasing a tear that I'd held captive in my heart.
I went to the hospital room and sat beside my mother;
gently holding her hand,
I let her warmth generate a flood of fond memories.
She was dying; I could not alter that fact,
but it pained me so much to see her so;
a mere shell of the vibrant woman I loved so much.
My humanity was fighting with my selfishness;
I desperately wanted her to live!
Her hand squeezed mine ever so softly,
and my heart shattered into a thousand pieces.
I was drowning in a sea of tears.
Her heart was barely beating,
but I could not release her hand; I was afraid to let go!
My head was swimming!
I couldn't find balance, tripping over my emotions,
I was blind to all but my hurt.
To manage her pain, they placed her on a morphine drip,
and drip by drip, I felt her life force weakening.
I wanted to rip that needle out!
My conflicted heart was not prepared to let her die,
but I controlled myself; held her hand,
and watched her peacefully depart this life.
I so wanted someone to blame!
And when death claimed her, I blamed myself,
and forgave myself simultaneously.
I looked into her eyes for the last time,
made my peace with God,
and kissed her goodbye.
|