Buried
I'm buried.
Buried under the layers of myself
of who I am... who I want to be and who I'm meant to be.
Smothered under the gravity of expectations...
of the world, my family, myself, even God.
I feel the weight of the trust that others have placed in me.
On me
Pulled thinly in a thousand directions.
I'm confined, imprisoned by my choices.
Choices well considered by a younger more idealistic version of myself.
One I still wish to be? No!
Am I regretful? No!
Do I lament my youthful decisions? I do not.
Am I in turmoil? Absolutely
Have I discovered there is room in my heart that was not there before? Undoubtedly
I've always known my heart was vast. Accepted that I would never be limited to love only a few. Rejoiced in it even.
But never in my imaginings did I consider that there was a particular compartment being kept solely for you.
I did not know that I could so willingly split myself in two.
That I would compromise so vastly all that I've known for a love forbidden to me.
Out of reach. Out of bounds
Am I blameworthy? Guilty?
Yes...no...yes...no... yes
I don't know anymore...lines are so blurred.
Of this I am certain...
I'm in deep
Profoundly, thoroughly and deeply
Buried
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