Butterflies
Slight flutters began in my stomach at the sight of you.
We talked, and their wings pulsed every time the phone chimed.
At the first date, they became out of control as they beat faster and faster,
Threatening to tear out of my mouth in the form of nervous rambling.
As we grew closer, the butterflies slowed.
Gradually beating in time with your heart.
They quickened again when you looked into my eyes and touched your lips to mine.
Again when you reached for my hand not caring who saw.
They beat faster a I received the note saying ‘I Love You’ for the first time.
They now seemed to pulse with my renewed heart.
The fluttering seemed endless.
Seven months in, and they are still beating strong.
A familiar feeling only associated with you.
But as we talked, the fluttering slowed.
With each chime a flutter stopped.
At the sound of each chime one of my constant companions would perish.
Eaten by the dark lies and insults that spewed from your mouth.
Now a shell of what I used to be, I wander the halls hoping to avoid you.
You came up from behind and hugged me tightly.
A slight flutter begins in my stomach.
Maybe this can work.
When you kiss me it seems forced.
You never hold my hand.
I never get to see the familiar flash of turquoise when you text.
The sound of your voice is fleeting from my mind.
Every time I think I am done with you, you make the last butterfly flutter.
It is a constant battle between pleasure and pain.
A war between my brain and my heart.
My brain telling me to give up.
My heart telling me to hold on the the snippets of love we receive.
And like a junkie I stay, afraid to lose my fix.
Cocaine laced on your lips, you beckon me back.
And like a moth to a flame, I return.
An endless cycle of love and burns,
The pain is now a constant enemy.
Now, being the only thing I know,
I come back to this pointless relationship we still hold.
Hoping I will feel that flutter once more,
When you touch your cocaine laced lips to mine.
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