Charlie Countryman
Blank is this sheet of paper before me
my life in a tailspin, please someone catch it like a firefly
and hold it in place, keep it balanced so I can grab on to the railing
steady myself, stop it from spinning upside down
or better yet can you remove these tubes from my mother
make her stand up and walk again over to me
wrap her arms around me
embrace me like she used to like when I was a child
I can't survive this way, I don't know how
so in protest to these feelings of guilt and distress
I ingest a pill meant to cure a pain in my back
maybe this time it will heal the hole in my heart
as these idiots in lab coats can't do more to save her
It's unfair, this has been her home for so long when she was mine
holding onto her too strong
She was a complicated mess, a complicated woman
but I love her, she's my mother
and it tears me up cause I feel like I can see her soul leave her body
and it tears me up that all is numb
I hear nothing as she flat lines, they're removing everything
trying to revive her
though there it's over, her celebrated life
there it's over, I can never go back home again
I've been evicted
and the more it swirls, it sinks and sinks, a sunken pirate ship
cause it's stolen my composure, a big hole in my chest
like she took a piece of me with her in her ascent
Mom...please don't leave me, Ma..please, wait a second, wait a second
I still have this awful, haunting parting memory of you
engraved in my head
I can't make it better, I can't make it better...
can you make it better, change it to something nicer
I ask her, her ghost and with a silent kiss
Poof! goes my weakness and in comes a childlike innocence in a cloud
as she took me to a bridge, a pier of sorts and she swooped me in her arms full of joy
sweet pleasantries of beauty as she told me to go to Bucharest to catch my breath, rest my head, find serenity and peace
I won't question it, my life has been without direction
so hopefully this will be my resurrection
but unbeknownst to me, this will be the start of the necessary death
of me
Charlie Countryman
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