Free
As I stand a top this bluff
I stare down at the path
That got me here.
At moments it was
Bleak and narrow
And I thought I’d never see the end.
Never say never,
They say.
Because my life came
Full circle.
I had to lose everything,
To feel like I belonged
To something.
I found out
Who I wasn’t.
I longed for home.
That feeling of security
Is something
I missed so dearly.
Words are hard to find
To describe
The woes of that life.
Mistakes litter my path,
I overcame feelings of guilt
That I thought would most definitely kill me.
I had to accept myself for who I was,
Not who I wanted myself to be.
I had to really get lost
To be found.
I achieved self discovery
Through the trenches of addiction,
Life taught me some lessons
Through all of the tension.
Forgive me for my hesitation,
I was battling myself
And my afflictions.
I was too stuck in depression
To see the wrongfulness of
My convictions.
The truth is,
The heartbreaks in between then and now,
Were stepping stones
That lead right back the the steps of my once house.
I had to learn who I was not,
What life wasn’t meant to be
To really see the destiny that
Had always
Awaited me.
It was sitting,
Idly,
Waiting for me.
They could have carried me,
I wish I would have listened then,
But my ears were full of cotton
And I was hell bound.
There was no stopping the demon
From running to hands that fed my addiction,
They may as well have left me for dead.
There were no hand ups from that hell,
Because in the end
They all left me
Bettered,
Bruised
And withdrawling.
It was me who chose to stand myself
Back up
And keep fighting
The good fight.
In the end,
It was my family who welcomed me back.
It was like walking through heavens
Pearly gates
When I first stepped foot
Back home.
It washed over me
Like holy water
I received it,
Lovingly.
Words can’t describe
How warm and safe I felt.
Through all of the bad days,
The good,
And those in between,
I finally found myself again.
Now when I look in the mirror
I see her,
I feel like her,
She is me
Once more
I’m finally free.
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