Going Sidewayz
Late 2001
I lie here in my darkness, in my own misery,
wallowing in self pity, this always happens to me,
my mind clouded by emotion, no light can I see,
I cant stand the pain I want to be free.
My entire life is caught in time, slowly killing me inside,
I don't want to go on anymore, I want to die.
Can't summon the strength to move my body at all,
no one cares, I lay there just staring at the wall
I take another 20, that makes 100 now,
hopefully I sleep and never wake up,
Another hour goes by, typical......., nothing has changed,
laying there helpless, crying in vain.
I reach for the razor blade, from my window ledge,
willing the strength, so deep I press,
my pulse beats heavily as the pain sets in,
Ahhhhhhhhhhh release, the seeping begins.
...........................................................................................
This was a time in my life not many know about,
the truth I distorted as I tried to block it out,
if no one had come that fateful day,
I wouldn't be here trying to explain.
Life's full of heart ache, this was merely one,
losing my first love was real hard to over come,
I didn't see any light, I never thought I'd make it through,
too caught up in the emotions, stopping the pain was what I had to do.
Now 10 years on, I still think of her,
only fleeting moments though, here and there,
we both moved on and have our own families,
but i'll always have that special place for her inside me.
Though I felt hurt and so much pain,
my actions then were really in vain,
time was the healer of my broken heart,
only over time did I gradually come out of the dark.
M.Mahauariki © 2012
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