It's Not Always Easy
Sometimes I want to
move freely in the wind
and spread my wings
Enjoy the feel of a
summer breeze
resting beneath them
I often anticipate
daylight tickling my
funny bone until I
crack a smile
as the sun plants soft
kisses on my skin
Maybe I should
invite hope to take me
for long walks in
the park or dance with
me in the sandbox
along with my inner child
I long to I plant daisies
in the sky
Pick diamonds from the
silver lining of the clouds
I've always wanted
to do that while listening
to God's laughter as
it gently touches
my eardrums like
angel feathers
People have asked
me to paint a dream
Paint MY dreams so they
could see what my
thoughts look like
but for me
It's not always that easy
I find it hard to rest
when the nightmares
come to bully me
Usher me out from
my safe place
leaving me inside
the pocket of
it's darkness
I've tried to fall
asleep under a warm
blanket of happiness
but the induced labor
of my vulnerability
loves to pull the cover
off as my transparency
is put on display
My world, most times
can be quite unforgiving
and I don't think you
have any idea why
Yet you believe it to
be simple to will
myself out of it
Move they say
but how when the
quicksand of my
insecurities keep
sucking me in
as my shoes anchor me
down to my failures
It's not always easy
pretending to live
my best life while
contemplating ending it
I don't think you know
how much strength
it takes to pull myself
up from deep within
You tell me to just...
You say that I should...
I'd try if I could but
for each time I move head
something stronger
than motivation
pulls me right back
to where it thinks I belong
It's not that easy
to stand dormant in
my footsteps in front
of a mirror staring
at the reflection of
my own regret
I long to ride a hobby
off into the sunset
crochet until my pain
subsides
Bake a pan of love
fill with way too much
confection
I imagine drawing a
better situation on
a fresh canvas
but I cannot
and please don't
ask me to
It may be a piece of
cake for you but for me
It's not always that easy
4-4-2020
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