Married To the Slob
I don’t run with the mob ...
the mosh-pit, gossip crowd
End of message Stop!
Just wanna hip you to this fact,
right off the top
I’m a clean living woman,
the mop-and-pail type gal
I know how to swing a mean vocal mop,
don’t need no lip help to knuckle swab
I can empty my own pity-pot bucket,
these knees and elbows
know how to goody tear sweat cut it
So trust me when I say,
I knew what I was getting into
from the very first date
I married a loveable lazy man,
who looks like a sweet chocolate Ralph Kramden
An Adonis, he ain’t ... no,
but he got a lot of belly pillow loving tho’
He’s a Lazy-E-Boy kinda man,
will do less as he can
(except when it come to loving me, of course)
Always works from a sitting position;
early on in life,
he made a bus-driving career decision
Big L is a top money-shrewd mover,
low-debt risk jelly-shaker dressy guy —
He won’t lift an elephant finger,
unless you give him a good reason why
But, in the comfort of his castle,
he’s a Slob king ... this I’d admit
Never picks up a thing,
after he has slovenly dropped it
Takes a rest like a hibernating bear,
in his huge, cavernous recliner
Snoozes with a snack bag cuddled near,
with a few chips ready to be dipped
There’s a trail of yesterday dishes
on each table that he passes
He often REM tells me, I’m his dream Missus
before he wakes up ...
And starts ear rubbing me with honey passion
words dripping like molasses
Some say he’s a slob,
others say he’s the Blob
I don’t listen to them —
they just a bunch of Ratpack cheesers,
jealous-hearted lip mob
All I know is that I’m clean happily married into it,
every fault ... every flaw
And I love every Jacuzzi moment I’m blessed to get
Some of my ex-friends
say Big L is a bum blob food stain
Other former friends
say my slob king
is a lot of effort to neatly maintain
But I don’t mind,
cuz when he gives me
good maid service pillow pleasure,
I kick the bucket into the mop closet
Then for good measure,
I let Big L have all of me he can get
And after all the domestic labor pain,
I got rewarded
for being a faithful Alice "L" Kramden
Because today, when I came home,
the whole house was spotlessly cleaned ...
In that wondrous moment,
I joyously felt
that being married
to the king Slob and the princely Blob
was win-win
And Big L
had a polished sparkle
in his grin
|