Mom's Death
I will always recall the day
my mom died.
She was in recovery for
congestive heart surgery.
The work itself had gone well
but brought on massive clots
to the lungs.
I was an hour and a half away
and when I arrived,
Mom was talking to the doctor.
He had tears in his eyes,
apologizing for getting hopes up
where there was no hope now.
She looked him straight in the eye
and told him that she didn’t want to die.
But, if the Lord was ready
the doctor didn’t need to cry.
“I know you did everything in your power
to make me well”, she said. “So don’t you feel bad,
don’t apologize for trying to help me.
God is the one to have the final say.
I will resist going until my absolutely final breath.
Because, I think that is what he expects of me.
When I know it’s time I will be with him.”
The doctor left, I don’t know if he felt better.
Probably not. He had promised her five more years.
I stayed and talked to mom for a while,
before my brother came back in.
“Now Bunky, you know your brothers
are not as strong as you.
You will have to help them through this.
That is what I know you will do.”
I said “yes Momma,”
no longer fighting the wetness profusely rolling down my cheeks.
“Where’s Carolyn” she said of my wife.
“I called her and she is on the way shortly.
She will get here as soon as she can.”
My brother came back in
and I went out to the doctor again.
He said her lungs were completely clogged
and she would slowly suffocate.
But, it would be painless because she could breathe.
She just couldn’t process the air.
She would simply go to sleep.
And that is the way the next four hours went,
with Mom going little by little.
She napped,
and woke up once in a while
to ask about my younger brother
and his wife and my wife.
Telling all how much she loved them.
She slept a little longer each
time she closed her eyes
and finally the only one not
there was my wife.
We thought a couple of times she had passed.
But the nurse said she just wouldn’t give up.
She sunk so low they couldn't find a pulse
or read blood pressure.
I don’t remember how they knew she was not gone.
Finally just before my wife
came in they actually didn’t know
if she was still alive.
My wife came in and Mom spoke.
“Carolyn, Carolyn", very weakly and
they talked softly for a while and Mom died.
She had held on beyond a readable pulse.
Beyond blood pressure.
To tell my wife good bye.
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