My biggest fear
My biggest fear is you disappearing from me
Fear.
Noun
an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
Fear can come crashing down like a tsunami. Destroying the peace you have built. Sweeping away trust and rationality
Or fear can come in small droplets. Like a leak in the ceiling of and old house.
You don’t know where it starts. But as time goes on if not addressed it gets bigger. Drops become a trickle. A trickle becomes a stream. Next thing you know your ceiling is not above your head but at your feet.
My ceiling is at my feet. I ignored my leak for too long.
Fear can be rational like the boy down the street terrified to tell his mom her broke her favorite vase because he knows she will be angry
But I am not a rational person my brain does not work in rational way
My brain drips thoughts that I ignore because I know I’m being dramatic
But drops become a trickle
Fear begins to trickle in through the cracks in the roof that is my self confidence
The roof that Is meant to shield me from the fear outside the door of my heart
The fear pools in my stomach like water on the floor
Still I ignore the trickle because fixing the roof is more work than I am worth
But the trickle is now stream and my ceiling is at my feet
The fear comes crashing down on me not like a tsunami there is no broken peace there was no peace to begin with
No my fear comes crashing down like my ceiling I am no longer able to pretend I am not afraid
I am no longer able to pretend that I do not fear the day you just stop responding
The day I wake up and you are gone
No warnings no goodbyes
Missing profiles and messages that can’t be sent
I am scared because my heart beats in the palm of your hand
If you go so does my heart
Without heart I will be condemned
Like a house that can no longer be inhabited by people haunted by the memories that live in its walls
A house that once only had drops but whose ceiling lies on the floor because the drops weren’t as irrational as once believed
My biggest fear is you disappearing from me
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