New Age Love Letter For Old Time's Sake
Meow...
I owe you an apology. Many apologies.
I'm sorry for blocking you.
I'm sorry for not being there.
I'm sorry for not being ready.
I'm sorry for everything.
It's my fault. All of it.
I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry my life was incomplete without you. That I couldn't make it work on my own. I'm sorry that when I was dreaming about you, like I always do, and you reached out to Bobby, that I reached back. Maybe your life wouldn't be so messed up if I would have just stayed the course, and not hoped.
How can a person ignore so much sychronicity when everything is terrible? I'm sorry that I was weak.
I'm most sorry for not being able to be everything you want and need.
Because you deserve it. You are so beautiful and wonderful and caring. You're my Meow. And no one will ever take your place.
I tried. I took a chance. I made it happen.
Because I'm tired of putting my life in the hands of people who are careless of my desires and take me for granted.
Because I'm tired of being backed into a corner with my options. With my life.
Because I deserve it.
I failed.
I learned.
I changed.
I cried. A lot.
I did what I felt I needed to do. At every moment. It was all honest, or at least as honest as I was willing to be with myself.
But after I was honest with myself, it changed everything.
Sometimes honesty leads to great gain. Sometimes to great loss. But two things can be true at the same time.
The truth will set you free. So I will be free.
Do what you will.
And I will do what I must.
Either you don't feel the same way about me as I do you, or you're the strongest person I've ever met.
Because for me, my life doesn't seem worth living without you. I'm not talking about having you in my physical life everyday. I know that's not a possibility I can offer you, at least at this point.
But I sit where I am.
And I strive for where I want to be.
I may not have everything figured out.
Show me someone who does. It doesn't exist. Everyone fakes it till they make it.
But I am confident that I know who I am, and what I want.
Life goes on everyday. All we can do is be where we are, but if we know where we want to go, we can take steps today to move the needle toward the goal tomorrow.
I'm sorry I wrote this to you. I don't want to make anything more difficult for you than it already is. I just wanted to apologize for my part. Maybe that's a selfish thing, and I'm sorry for that as well.
PLR. Avocados all the way down.
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