Nobody's Problem
If you’re reading this, don't tell anyone:
I guess you’d figure that by now I found it.
There’s something so innocent, yet menacing about the way you move.
They say there’s no saints without sinners.
I used to be The Catcher in the Rye
but now, I lay helpless until noon after kissing the floor every time it gets dark.
Still friends with my demons, simply levitating to avoid them,
my fingers smell and my jacket is stained, bleached in a few areas
and my neck hurts, aching from the stiff, hunched position.
I wish that when I told you how hollow I was, you believed me.
But no one will question me if I smile,
so I will sit and grin all pretty for you
as my teeth decay
and I blankly laugh at every misogynistic joke that comes my way
in a stinging slap to my face.
I’d reckon that it’s better to burn out than fade away.
And I'll take my ibuprofen dosage to combat the migraines
so you don’t hear my complaints.
You feel invincible when you're young,
too bad I'm a grown up now.
Hell has insisted his normalcy on me.
I know you know that one of us was lying.
The things I did to feel alive…
the ones that brought me the closest to departure.
You were my reason for living, my brush with death.
But this one isn’t about you, even though your eyes are still seared into my mind, your voice still pierces my memory, those songs may be ruined for me, and I still lose my appetite every so often when I think about what you were doing with her, but thank you.
You saved me from myself by holding me under your foot for five months,
crushing my existence into shards.
And I’m still picking up the pieces.
But I won’t cut myself with them this time.
Not after what you said on my last tuesday there.
I now know that loneliness is veritably freedom disguised as the antagonist.
And finally, my voice is shot, rawly lost, but not from the agony this time.
My voice-- it’s gone with the warm wind, the windows down.
It wasn't easy to be happy for you, but I remind myself of my power:
I am nobody's problem and I belong to none other than myself.
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