Poem For My Daddy
I can't believe how long it's been.
The time goes by so fast.
The pain, I try to keep within;
Those memories of the past.
I've tried so hard to understand
Your motives of that day.
You made a choice to leave us and
Just went along your way.
I didn't know how bad it was
I didn't know your pain.
You never shared your thoughts because
You hated to complain.
When I was young, I worshiped you;
My hero; proud and strong;
Someone to tell my problems to
And teach me right from wrong.
I wanted to be Daddy's Girl.
I tried so hard to please.
And there was nothing in the world
To make that longing ease.
“I Love You” never crossed your lips;
I never heard that sound.
I guess it wasn't in your script;
Those feelings, too profound.
No “Honey”, “Darlin’”, “Sweetie Pie”
Was ever said by you,
Right up until the day you died,
I never had a clue.
Your work was always number one;
I never measured up.
My best, when all was said and done,
Was never good enough.
In later years as you grew old,
You needed me much more,
My hero, who was once so bold;
Now hid behind a door.
Your sight grew dim, your strength gave out,
Your mind was not the same.
Your eyes were filled with fear and doubt,
And yes, a touch of shame.
I saw that you were growing weak.
At times, I saw you cry.
I tried, but was afraid to speak,
I never will know why.
The choice you made that fateful day
Is one I’ll never make.
Although at times I’ve lost my way
There is too much at stake.
How could you leave us all alone
To deal with what came then?
To tell my Mother you were gone,
Oh, where would I begin?
You took the choice out of God’s hands.
I guess you couldn’t wait
Until we all could understand
The meaning of our fate.
You had to know it would be me
Who found you, yes…it’s true.
Did you not care that it would be
How I remembered you?
You pulled the trigger on that gun
And ended all your pain.
Not caring mine had just begun
And always would remain.
I wonder if you’re happy now.
I pray that you’ve found peace.
I hope that someday and somehow
My guilt will finally cease.
If only I had been aware
Of what you’d planned to do;
A word; a touch to say I cared…
Could I have gotten through?
I think of you each day and night
I love and miss you still
Your memory still shines its light
I guess it always will.
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