Realization of Love
I want romance. I want you and me to dance.
I want pleasure, and we both want to build a legacy in society. Honestly, I want some lovely things.
Honestly, I love my definition of loving.
Honestly, this love is not genuine. It's with conditions I always kept in mind.
It's with ties that will control a narrative; my ego was full of myself. Love should be free and clear, yet I have many expectations here.
I had a self-fulfilling dream, yep, no regard to having your feelings near. How cruel and selfish I must be?
How out of touch my so-called loved must be perceived.
I speak of such delicate ways, not considering if you felt the same. I was not thinking how your love language would translate.
Wow, I can't believe trauma runs deep and turns into self-fulfilled prophesy.
This was a sick manifestation that materialized too late even to realize.
I get caught up in my ideals and never see how you feel. How big of an ego I must have.
I'm the worst kind of person who makes false promises.
I'm the true silent, deadly narcissist.
It's painful to admit such hard truths.
There was nothing honest or genuine, and it would be impossible to consider your love and follow through.
Did I even really love you? Were we even compatible?
This trauma runs deep, and it makes me want to hide.
I'm called out; I need to take a pause. The world is my witness to it all. It's a hard truth, no tricky question.
Do I even know what love is?
Do I know of love outside of a trauma bond?
There is comfort I delusions.
There was no courting; it was all just confusion.
We found each other amusing in a broken state.
We unknowingly resonated: I to fulfill my needs, you to fill your desires.
We were never equally yoked but pushed through the muck, made it work, and forced love to be stuck.
The disagreements were always here, but we wiped them out so as not to make it clear.
Now I realize how I was truly hurting inside.
I had holes in me, trying to fill them up desperately.
The fantasy took hold of me to bond me into a false love.
We were the lovers.
Unshackled, addicted, going back for a hit again.
It's a painful revelation but an honest confession.
I realized God won't let me hide.
The biggest lesson in all of this, lol, I don't know what real love is.
How funny life is.
But I'd rather admit it than do it again.
Do it with the same low vibrational bondage that's stuck in the devil's energy.
Take Care ????
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