Redundant Love
i dont know what im scared of
im scared to fall in love with you
scared that i may mess it up
i dont know this game
I've had zero practice and im not intimate at all
in fact i cringe at stuff like that
and to think i MUST do it to prove my love
my affection?
well excuse my ignorance, for i did not know
im scared that i'll do too much, or too little
i wont be able to handle you when you cry
i wont be able to be with you every time life pokes you in the eye
i'll blame myself for the smallest arguments
and i struggle to apologize, not that im incapable
but i really like proving my point
my point of all this being: i dont trust myself.
it sounds cheesy but its not you, its me
truly, i am the problem
i have too many problems and im trying to solve them
and i know you'll get tired of it, i wont blame you
and when you do leave, i'll feel even worse than i did when i was with you
i'll have to avoid you, walk past you in the halls in complete silence, icing your presence
i'll have to listen when our friends talk about you while my heart aches in silence.
i'll have to stumble upon old pictures and text messages that'll set me back on my progress
i'll have to listen to sad, heartbreaking music and binge netflix movies, eat ice cream straight out of the tub
i'll have to become less productive as im still hurting
while i believe you've moved on and hurts me further
you could feel like you wasted months of your life with me, because you did
you could feel like you accomplished less and sacrificed more because of me
you could feel like you did everything while i did nothing
you could feel like you were dumb for believing i was THE ONE, and you weren't dumb
i just couldn't live out the expectations, i knew i couldn't and i still led you astray
i know all of this will happen if we do get together
we have the best chemistry, we can talk for hours and hours, we know a lot about each other and are comfortable with each other
as friends
once we cross the barrier, i dont know
i feel like something clicks and i become less
thats when the issues start
so baby im sorry, its really not you, its me
i dont expect you to understand
see, i did it again
im scared to love you
im scared to fall in love
and im fine with it.
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