Love Poem: the only love i know

the only love i know

he has always been my death –
he has always been my fear –
doors banging,
plates flying and breaking,
shouting, conniving,
lying to save my face from fists,
the only love I know –

the kicking
of my locked bedroom door
the swearing
the throttling of my neck,
fear and loneliness –
forceful penetration
the long rape, the long long rape –
the only love I know –

anger displayed
like a horrifying painting,
emotional outbursts,
the look of hate
and grinding teeth on top of me,

he has always been my death
he has always been my fear –
Mom’s boyfriend, the only love i know –