The Ring
When we were young and so in love
You called me your Tiger, I called you my dove
I knelt on my knee and began to sing
Opened my heart and gave you a ring
The years went by and the ring you wore
I did things to make love grow more
Time marched on and it seemed to me
You slid away so gradually
I ate your food when it was burnt
I said you looked good when you weren’t
I rubbed your back and clipped your nails
I listened to all your endless tales
I bought you flowers, watched your shows
Extended the closet for all your clothes
Washed the dishes and mopped the floors
Did the laundry and asked for more
The ring on your finger you still had
But good things just turned out bad
Tell me if the ring holds love for me
Hell no! you said, disgustedly
And I said,
You loud mouth, Prima Donna, lying *****
Overbearing, selfish wicked old witch
Money spendin’, glory grabbin’ with no class
Take that ring and run it up the mast
(Think of an alternate line)
You high fluting’ grumpy old nag
Screamin’ and kicking always on the rag
Uptight, frivolous, bossy old grump
Scheming, dreamin’ horses’ rump
(spoken loudly)
YOU NEVER HAD A CLUE, MUCH LESS A PLAN
NO IDEA HOW TO TREAT A MAN
SPENT MY MONEY JUST LIKE A SNOB
GOOD LUCK IN GETTING’ THAT BOOB JOB
HELL I FEEL BETTER ALREADY
GO AND LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER BETTY
NO WONDER SHE LAUGHED AT ME THE GROOM
SENDING ME TO MY DOOM
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