Valentines Day Me Myself and Why
Valentine’s Day here you come again,
February 14th lord have mercy on me amen,
You just have to rock up every year without fail,
To remind me to celebrate the fact I’m still without a Male,
And just a crazy cat parent plus the rest of the fur crew,
Ignoring February the 14ths arrival it’s true,
Hiding away with a lack of red roses,
And couples being lovey dovey
You see I’ve been rather unfortunate really rather unlucky,
Actually it’s been damn well disastrous
Resulting in a non existent love life
So Saint Valentine forgive me for not celebrating
Or feeling larger than life
In fact St. Valentine I think the date is rather ridiculous
Consider my case
Inflicting such a day of lust and love on the Mere human race
When nowadays the existence of tinder, bumble
Or god help us a blind date
Where screens with pen**es in pics are sent to try and copulate,
To instigate coitus, sex, intercourse I think you get my quip
Long gone are the days of friendship,
Courtship into a partnership
Romance died with dear Romeo and Juliet, replaced with Dms
And pings in chats of hi, hello, till finally someone succumbs
In fact you generally get a play-by-play
Of what to expect in a Message,
The conversation will generally turn filthy
I wouldn’t expect anything expressive
Then you’ll probably be subjected to a one man Show by video
Now pay attention to it because there will be
A pop quiz to follow,
Topics will include but are not limited to
Thoughts on girth, length
Followed by the request of your bra size, hip length
waist length full length,
Quickly moving onto the subject Matter of spit or swallow,
I guess at least you can be fully prepared
If you end up upstairs
No Spanx, dig out that best undies set,
Shaven legs and all other hairs
And then the next stage begins Netflix and chill starts.
Hoping to watch the movie is unlikely, but you may be lucky
And get invited out for a drink or perhaps a cup of coffee
Before they attempt to explore your private parts
Now The date, you arrive but you don’t
See anyone you recognise,
Then they wave, quick think you could duck and dive, Or turn 360 on those heels,
Back out the front door and do a runner,
Because the profile picture you previously saw
was obviously taken 10 Years Younger
Then filtered and Photo shopped beyond recognition,
Oh saint valentine can you see why I’m not bothered
about what I’m missing
And how can I resist such romantic utopian bliss
Long gone are the days of longing hearts,
and a lovers first kiss,
Panting bosoms from a simple embrace,
You're lucky if there's even any dates.
St valentine I’ve got to ask how’s it come to this?
Has Cupid retired, has love become a mere myth
That no longer exists in this world
where everything is at our fingertips,.
Destroying any curiosity removing all the mystery, Is courting that old fashioned,
a forgotten language of love lost in history,
Frankly saint valentine I think this 14th
will really take the biscuit
Perhaps the chocolate kind or maybe ice-cream
but definitely grapes from the vine i.e vino wine,
Whatever works for your celebration of the 14th
But let's hope it's just with you no who, JUST you
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