Wasted in Love
Loving keeps me wasted
Just so I don’t see my own face again
Crying in the mirror
Letting the tears fall
Wishing for your call
Even though you were the one who put me at fault
I guess I’m not sorry I got caught
But I am sorry it has been so much of why we fought
I really thought that this was it for us in the end
I really didn’t ever want you to just be a friend
Every day I am hoping that we can mend
But you are parallel, wishing for us to end
For that last goodbye to finally send
Because you hate hearing me vent
Even though I believe we are not broken, just bent
Plus, I will repent for my sins
Is this love lost or found?
The voices in my head are loud
And I can’t find you in this crowd
I just hope that you are proud.
Escaping accountability, it is killing me
The blame you have secretly shifted to my suitcase
The baggage is profound.
You know the English language
As well as a baby knows what crying is
You talk in circles
Making me believe
That it has always been me
That is breaking us
And I should never of been
Changing myself
To be someone else
But isn’t that what you have told me to do?
If every action I make
And every breath I struggle to take
Is somehow wrong to you?
And I want your love desperately
It holds me like a noose
So then why would I not try to be
What you say you like
Instead it becomes another fight
I’m sorry that the sky is blue
As if I willed it so
And I can’t let my emotions show
Or they will be weaponized
Purely to be used as a way to help you disguise
The reality that I am the slave
And you the master
In this game I didn’t even realize you….
No I started.
This life that I have created
And now somehow we both hate it
But sure let’s go a round again
Maybe we are at a carnival
And your fabrications are the carousel
Wistfully carrying me around the same little circle
Until you find the next thing that you will use
To somehow convince me
That I am a fool
And I am the reason the sun itself came out today
As well as why it will rain in the late afternoon.
Blame and responsibility are my demons to bear
And my coffins that I carry
As I feel I should be buried in them
To escape the fate
I feel I await
In which I am just crazy
And you are the saint
Who just wanted to “fix me”
But I broke us in the end
Isn’t that your story?
Little red riding hood eventually saw the truth
So my only suggestion to me and to you?
Don’t eat the other alive
Since nobody can see the disguise
Of who is actually the wolf
And not grandma.
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