When I Am Still
On days that I am still,
I find I miss you more.
I need someone
to talk to
who will understand
and
have the capacity to contemplate
deeply, beside me.
When I am still
I wonder if I am truly happy
when I am not still.
Is happiness
now busyness or
am I just so distracted that I do not
know true joys
anymore?
When I am still I think about love.
I want to feel love
like I had when you were alive.
It will be different
because
it won't be you,
but still
maddening and romantic
all at once.
I wish I had time
and someone
to spend time with.
We could run away for a few days
and find pure happiness
in the simplicity of
listening to the forest as we hike a mountain.
Or looking at the stars as he held me that night.
We could be still,
Together.
But when I'm still,
Even with him,
I find I miss you more.
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