Where Did I Go Wrong?
To a "Friend", I still love
if you hear my whisper, I'll be waiting
The innocence that moistened your eyes
small fingers that cradled mine
long nights and quiet stares
conversations that lasted for hours
Gentle winds can be so scorching
aftermath of a great storm settling
we drift so slowly…pulling and tugging
reaching and groaning, in vain
Thrilling times of you so close
next to me, these raging emotions
tossing and turning, wondering and screaming
all in my head, and yet I speak plain words
You told me love is a burden
and I told you to reconsider
Those words we exchanged so long at night
I held them so close, too close
until they blinded me
Back and forth I went
jumping and falling and hurting
the sadistic cycle that kept me in motion
rupturing myself surreptitiously
And yet, the pain was so sweet
false pleasure that assured me peace
every moment, every waking hour
your face pulsed throughout my thoughts
A curse, a sin, it is
for me, of all people, to love
For so long, I saw myself in mirrors
an idea so stubborn that no one could love me
Friends, we were
you guaranteed me, it was true
but once the bucket was tilted, everything poured out
Oceans, seas, rivers…drowning in these sensations
Days passed and I reconciled my inner hurricanes
A perfect adolescent with bright eyes and smile
nothing changed outwardly, but I was messy
disheveled on the inside
but no one was the wiser
A roller coaster at a sudden stop
I asked you, “Do you love me?”
Completely out of context, completely out of character
and yet you replied, “No.”
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