Who You Needed Me To Be
Who you needed me to be
I used to be a person who I could feel sorry for
I carried all the scars and sadness and felt the bruises on my skin
And I was a rag doll
But never who you needed me to be
You never seemed to feel bad when you hit me
And you convinced everyone that my madness made you do it
But at 21 , I was eccentric and spoiled
And the beatings aged and disturbed me
And I never was who you needed me to be
Did you think I could recover easily from the blows you dealt me that summer?
I am not saying that the sins I committed didn’t make me deserving of the abuse
But the way you made me feel after
Coupled with denying how you made me suffer and suffer when I ran after you like a puppy
You laughed at me
You made me cry
You hit me
You told me I was disgusting
You made me hate my body
My heart
And made me hate to breathe
And when I got the strength to leave you
You took what I loved most
My self respect
My network of people who believed in me
I thought I could forgive you
I could I think
If you felt sorry
But you don’t
You never feel sorry
You never loved me
As I brought your son here
You almost killed me the month before he was born
I never mattered
And in the last part of my heart
I still don’t hate you
I just want to know why you hit me
Why you made me feel so ugly
Why you were so happy when I failed
Why you couldn’t wish me well
And why you split my mind in two
And cracked my heart
You see
I can never be truly mad
Because no one ever protected me from you
I am a rag doll just left in a puddle
But my baby holds my hand
You left me with him
God loved me
Enough to give me my son from you
He took mercy on me
And gave me my boy
My darling 8 year old boy
To make the pain stop
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