by Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous, nursery rhyme,
Jack and Jill went up the hill
With thoughts of making love
Jack hadn’t got a condom
So cut a finger off Jill’s glove
The glove was far too small for him
And it didn’t fit his todger
Now they are proud parents
Of a baby they called Rodger!
1st October 2016
Another poem written after being inspired by Ilene Bauer's poem three blind mic
by Arthur Vaso |
Categories:
art, dark, evil, funny, humorous, internet,
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get dressed
is not that kind of poem
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please favorite me
I am flavor to be
like me
love me
photoshop me
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add ads, subtract ads
multiply wine ads
get more wine
is a long damn add
ok
bought the Mercedes
make love
to words
iPassion
is in
snap snap and chat
latex friendships
hollywood dreams
with amex
I never leave home
there she rests
in the trunk
blood mixed
with that new car smell
everything is modern these days
even my jail cell
by Daniel Turner |
Categories:
crush, funny love, humorous, teacher,
As I look back, it all seems funny now
Recalling all those awkward teen age years
I pushed the limits farther than allowed
Supposedly when young, we had no fears
Infatuation caught me with the blues
My heart was swollen by love's gentle sting
It was a crush that only left a bruise
Left by the diamond in her wedding ring
The first day I laid eyes on her, I fell
The lightning bolt she was, that shook my world
And to this day I swear I'd know her smell
Could she have read my mind, she'd likely hurled
I hated school but never missed her class
She said she loved me 'cause I made her laugh
original poem by Daniel Turner
by Jerry T Curtis |
Categories:
food, funny, humorous, nonsense, romance, sexy, silly,
Is it Love
a simple bowl of ice cream
sweating from the heat
cherries on the top
huddled 'round and looking sweet
two little wooden paddles
pretend that they are spoons
as we sit beneath the stars
in the savor of the moon
your lips are all I see
as they caress them with a passion
the cherries on your tongue
in a delightful playful fashion
with our eyes intent and focused
in a stare of solemn trust
Is this ice cream truly love
or is it merely cherry lust
by Black Eyed Susan |
Categories:
funny, humorous, journey, poems,
I thought I could wow them with poems from earth
Poems of joy and humor, poems extolling it’s worth
So I laid out poems from Michael, Gail, and me
From Andrea, David, Gwen, and Ilene
From PD, Harry, Mandy, and Chris
From Jack, Craig, Cyndi, and Liz…
For I was sure once they read our beautiful works
They would embrace us and love our humanly quirks!
So last night I taped them all over my skin
Knowing they’d find them if they took me again…
When I woke up, they were gone and I had a reply:
“We enjoyed reading those poems last night,
And thanks for the names of the earthlings too -
We have many more experiments to do!”
2/7/13
For Michael's boomerang...send your poem for a ride contest
by Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous,
poor puppet dances
to the tune of her master -
he’s pulling her strings!
Jan Allison
9th April 2015
Contest: - Judy Konos Get Your Senryu On
~awarded 1st place~
by Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous, love,
Just one look at you
Tempting me, teasing me, tormenting me
I hate the feelings you evoke
Greed
Desire
Lust
Just want to hold you, devour you
I don’t want to see you go
But I can never resist the last chocolate in the box!
9th March 2015
Contest – Love or Hate – Pick a subject - Shadow Hamilton
I chose Love as my theme
~awarded 1st place~
by Arthur Vaso |
Categories:
fantasy, fun, funny, holiday, humorous, love,
I want a piece of chocolate cake
Oh and a delicious piece of cherry pie
I want a piece of that place called Fort Knox
With all those pieces I could afford a lot
I want a piece of that lady over there
In her haute couture she saunters with such flair
I want a piece of the clouds in the sky
I just want it, don't ask me why!
I want some tiny peace of mind
To have some pieces left to be kind
Then I can give you a piece of Art
A piece I promise comes straight from the heart
by Rhona Mcferran |
Categories:
food, humor, humorous, silly,
Love me or hate me
few people can take me
plain, unadulterated, true to myself
their compulsive need to gussy me up
or completely disguise me
gives me nightmares...
Horrible- horrible!
The worst is where
they try to make me
Savory.
Suffocated in sauces, sweet relish
and pickled beets
garnished with green olives
and fussy-cut vienna sausages
all dancing in fancy chorus lines
on top of me
Oh No! I can't take it...
It just can't be!
What are they thinking?!
I awake with a snug sensation
as something warmish
drapes and
drizzles
down my back
AAAAAHHH!
Caramel sauce-
Thank God!
by Paloma P |
Categories:
crazy, humorous, hyperbole,
There's a place whence children dwell amid
fairy stories, popcorn rainbows & candied unicorns,
which is fine & dandy except when
you're supposed to be a grown-*** adult,
some people live 'round La-La landscapes
without a hint of reality's woefulness,
unable to read skywriting on the cosmos
If you believe in miracles or
that nothing ever changes
and love lasts forever and a day
or just say,
you got a damn ticket because
your unicorn was inconveniently double-parked,
rest assured thine meter is delusional
by Gary Smith |
Categories:
bird, humorous, language, pets,
My parrots name was Captain Flint,
Boy that bird could swear.
I never invited visitors,
So blue was the air.
He'd squawk "pretty effing polly"
Or "give us a cracker you t##t"
I'd never heard such swearing,
I never taught him that.
I bought him off a sailor
Who was heading back to sea,
He said to me, "you'll love him
He's such good company."
And what he said was right
He entertained, it's true.
I said "who's a pretty boy then"
He squawked, " well not effing you !"
The profanities just got too much,
I sold him, with regret.
But the house seems so quiet now,
Without my 'effing' pet !
by Francis J Grasso |
Categories:
fun, humorous, love,
Leave me alone you beautified 6itch ;
Oh ghastly and ghoulish playpen of a witch.
Vases of roses are covering your deeds;
Eloquent verses describe your sick needs.
Many come calling but none ever leave;
Even my dumb heart now wants a reprieve.
written 04.02.2016
by Pat Adams |
Categories:
absence, confusion, feelings, humorous, word play,
She said, "It was fun yesterday and hot!"
"I made love with a Brazilian all day!"
Her friend said, "Shut up, I hope you did not!"
"How many is a Brazilian anyway?"
by Anne-Lise Andresen |
Categories:
angst, feelings, humorous,
Jealousy is not the fear of losing
but the feeling that our position is threatened
As wet sand between your toes, unwanted
Sometimes jealousy turns into obsession
There are many wars, love your enemies ... never
We fight for love as a tender and small sparrow
Bitter taste, there is a fly in the soup
17.01.2017
- Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
(\__/)
(>'.'<)
(")_(")
by Anne-Lise Andresen |
Categories:
emotions, humorous, kiss,
I like a good conversation ~ about love and life
An objective opinion or a subjective opinion
Belissima ~ Amore
Age does not protect against love
Your sweet smile makes me melt
Yes, I'm incurably romantic
Sweet strawberries with cream vannlije
Belissima ~ Amore
In your eyes rushes my inner thoughts ~ intoxicating
Life is a dream ~ Your smile is like the stars in the sky
It is fate that decides
The important thing is not to find one ~ but finding the right one
Belissima ~ Amore
Your kiss is like drowning in soft chocolate
May I kiss you again
16.02.2017
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
by Brenda Meier-Hans |
Categories:
happy, humorous, love, silly,
Brenda Gail
I am Compassionate, love and breathe poetry, humorous and a peace maker.
Sister of Patti Lynne, Paul, David and Beth.
I love children (more), I love to sing in a choir and have a song for just about everything. I love to make others happy.
I feel loved, appreciated and very blessed.
I fear not being healthy enough to make it to my son’s wedding, getting sick this winter and losing my mom.
I’d love to be able to travel again, walk around a mall, and would love to be in a poetry slam.
Living in the GTA Greater Toronto Area, Ontario.
Meier-Hans
Written by Brenda Meier-Hans
10.13.2014
Regina Riddles Contest: Bio Poems
1st
by Rob Carmack |
Categories:
animal, best friend, dog, humorous, love, pets, thanks,
Your dad, a Dachshund once stuck in Chihuahua.
The best of both in you, with that expectant
Confusing carpets for the lawn enigma.
I know….the raining….getting wet….you can’t.
As coldness chills the room, a sheet for you.
The perfect tucking of in, but you moved!
I ponder, just how crazy is my Boo?
The sheet’s thread count too low to be approved?
Your dance in circles, spinning on the floor.
Rewards and treasures known upon the racks.
Induced by meals and that one pantry door.
In such a fury, choking on the snacks.
I know what God’s book says, I’ve searched it whole.
But still, I hope you have a little soul.
11.14.14
by Mark J. Halliday |
Categories:
chocolate, holiday, humorous, religion, valentines day,
Valentinius--
Not much is known about him,
But all girls love him.
Saint Valentine's Feast,
On February fourteenth:
Mostly chocolates!
It would make more sense
To honor Aphrodite...
So then, why don't we?!
by Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous,
There once was a young man called Rodger
Who’s very transfixed with his todger
From morning till night
He gets his delight
Now he shares his bed with his lodger
The lodger her name was Sandy
Was always ready and randy
They’d make love all night
But then they took fright
When Rodgers legs went all bandy
Submitted to New or Old 5 Contest Sponsored by Eve Roper
29 ~12~14
by Arthur Vaso |
Categories:
humorous, life, love, romance,
Double oh Sevens
The gamble of dangerous men
Poets who carry guns
To shoot out the hearts
Of unsuspecting ladies
A single word, a bullet
That can wound or kill the love
Of any careless romance
Yet they fall at the feet
Of mystery and sweet words
And later in the evening
Tears flow from ladies of sadness
Left alone among the sheets of love
The Spy, he could save the world
Yet save not one single love
He grew old and alone
His last thought among the living
I die a lover, and never felt love
by Jan Allison |
Categories:
dog, humorous,
How could I not forgive you?
Just one look at your puppy dog eyes
Thaws the heart of this ice maiden
Contest - Micropoetry ain't that tweet – Sponsor Casarah Nance
(105 characters with spaces)
07~31~15
by Arthur Vaso |
Categories:
angst, anxiety, art, friendship, humorous, imagery,
They love you
When you defend them
They run
When you need a helping hand
Real ones are there in total silence
Called the silent ones
To massage the pain
Inside
Of a wounded soul
They were there long ago
They are there now in the snow
Holding hands
Never letting go
Friends
Wiping tears
Striking fears
Praying for good cheer
Please me lord
Serve me one more beer
by Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous,
I love my diaphanous nightie
It’s sexy and sheer- its quite flighty
But it’s a shocking disgrace
Scant material and lace
Cost hubby ninety-nine pounds ninety!
15th February 2015
by Paloma P |
Categories:
allegory, analogy, drink, funny love, humorous, hyperbole, romance,
She was like Bordeaux,
a tall drink of spirit
He was more a hopped
pale lager like Pilsner,
both gorgeous and
super gingered flavors,
although clashing mid
respective savored aplomb,
one so refined the other
rowdy after hours,
yet they complimented
each other in the way
they blended their
drunken demeanors,
intoxicated by mere
existence of nature's
essential complexities
by Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous,
Call me cynical
Has anyone else noticed …….
All of a sudden
The price of flowers and chocolates
Rockets skywards high towards heaven
Oh silly me its nearly Valentines Day!
12th February 2015